Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, September 3, 2022

The Passing of Time and Melancholy Moods

Can you believe it’s September already? I can’t and I’ve got two old people, atomic clocks in the house that shout the date out. The clocks don’t literally shout but the numbers on the clocks are two inches tall and black and you can’t miss them against their silvery white background. The only time I don’t love my atomic clocks is when we have to move the time back an hour in the fall. That has to be done manually where in the spring they can spring forward on their own with a little help from the timekeepers at the National Institute of Standards and Technology in Boulder, Colorado. There are some 400 places around the world that keep official standards of time for different geographical areas so don’t go thinking the USA is ‘special’ because we can synchronize time in so many wall clocks, computers, cars, phones, watches, electrical grids, GPS systems and other devices where being precise matters. Gone are the days when men would walk down to the town square each day and set their pocket watches to the town’s tower clock.

And from the who really cares department did you know that time zones were invented by the railroads? From History.com “The need for continental time zones stemmed directly from the problems of moving passengers and freight over the thousands of miles of rail line that covered North America by the 1880s. Since human beings had first begun keeping track of time, they set their clocks to the local movement of the sun. Even as late as the 1880s, most towns in the U.S. had their own local time, generally based on 'high noon,' or the time when the sun was at its highest point in the sky. As railroads began to shrink the travel time between cities from days or months to mere hours, however, these local times became a scheduling nightmare. Railroad timetables in major cities listed dozens of different arrival and departure times for the same train, each linked to a different local time zone.” Also from the who really cares department, I didn’t just learn this from a trip to Googleland. My husband had some antique railroad schedules that peaked his curiosity and he dug up the history of time zones in an age before computers were a household ‘thing.’

I was thinking about the passing of time while in the car coming back from having my hearing aid get cleaned. For the second time. Since it was new in April. This time the audiologist showed me how to clean it myself and I dutifully paid attention all the while thinking she’s full of beans, that ear wax no one can see is not the issue, and eventually the aid will need to go back to the factory. But I played the game and promised to brush the living daylights out of the little money grabbing devices morning and night and to put them in the jar of drying agent overnight. The hearing aids that these new aids replaced lived through seven years without cleaning or jars of moisture sucking beads, one even almost became chewing gum for our dog and they never once quit working in all that time. When I bemoaned this fact to the audiologist she said that people's ears change as they age. I'd been patronized.

It sure takes a lot of time to be old, doesn’t it. Besides that routine added to my daily schedule I now have acquired my first pair of compression socks and you’ll never guess what they’re for so I’ll tell you. Remember the cancerous mole I have removed on my ankle back in June? It’s still not healed up and the dermatologist ordered bamboo compression stockings to increase circulation down there. And have I mentioned that I don’t like yogurt but I’m sitting here eating some ‘Brown Cow’ stuff (that isn’t so bad) because it’s got five kinds of live, active cultures in it? Apparently you need to replace the good bacteria in you digestive system after having diarrhea several days in a row. Why, oh why, can’t I go back to being forty again! I’ve even take fifty to start over again.

On the ride home Kenny Chesney was singing Knowing You and I thought I’d start crying. I know it wasn’t a song about missing your younger self but that’s the way I internalized the words. In the intro to his video he says, “Not everything is meant to last but you don’t think about that when it’s perfect.” Yup, good-bye to my life before ointments and compression socks and popping pills at breakfast. I miss you and I’m sorry I took you for granted. ©

 “God, we were so alive
I was a kid on a carnival ride
Holdin' my breath 'til the moment
When you were gonna leave me too soon
But I'd do it all over
'Cause damn, it was good knowin' you”

 

42 comments:

  1. It scared me when I saw "Can you believe it's September already". Thought I'd forgotten to get my rent check down to the office. I guess blogger is acting up because post is dated August 3 and today is August 24.

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    1. This post accidentally went live when I wrote it a week ago. But I caught the error within a hour. You just happened to see it then. Sorry for the confusion it caused. I was confused too.

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  2. Time for a trade-in? https://cheerfulmonk.com/2022/06/03/for-sandra/

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  3. We don't change the Clocks in Arizona, stays the same all year here and I like that. I can't believe it's September already, I had to get on the ball and pay all the bills since it crept up on me, August kinda flew by quickly. This is my Month for the Events to be featuring their Halloween Themed Shows so I'm jazzed about that... and the Holidays kicking off, some frivolous fun during all this heavy stuff happening in our Country is refreshing to me and a nice distraction. Growing Older... well, it beats the alternative, doesn't it? And a privilege not afforded to many... but it does have it's particular challenges and liberating parts... I suppose almost any season of life really does tho'.

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    1. This year we have some real scary people walking around. I'll bet Trump masks will be the big seller. I really, truly don't like Halloween but I find it fascinating how much your family gets into it.

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    2. Well, we are The Addams Family equivalent here in the Desert. winks

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  4. I have trouble hearing. I had my hearing checked at my primary care dr's office and he sent me to an ENT to have a 'professional' hearing test. Uh, putting someone in a closed booth with headphones and asking them to push a button if they hear a tone is NOT the same as sitting 2 ft. away from someone and not being able to understand them. OR, having to put the volume control on your t.v. up to 100 (max.) just to begin to hear the dialogue. Excuse me and I am so truly sorry you were so obviously patronized at the audiologist's. I feel for you... from one patronized hard of hearing person to another!

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    1. There is a whole range of tones I can't hear which translates to not hearing the voices of certain people but others I can hear plain as day. The audiologist used that patronize-the-old-person voice on me BUT I can't deny she got the aid working with the brushing.

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    2. You're right about the range of tones affecting your hearing of voices. I always think about the Seinfeld episode with "the low talker" that got Jerry into a pickle with promising to wear the puffy pirate shirt on TV because he didn't understand what the designer was asking him to do. I've had my aids for a little over a year and have been very happy with them.

      Yes, one's hearing does change with age. I'm scheduled for a repeat hearing test in a couple of weeks to see if there has been any change so my hearing aid specialist can tweak them if needed. I've been seeing her about every three months and she changes the ear wax guard in the aids and also goes in and removes wax from my ear canal. It's fun to watch that on the big screen in her exam room. She's not young (maybe mid to late 60's?) and isn't patronizing at all. Hearing aids aren't perfect but I'm sure glad I got mine.

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    3. I'm glad I have mine too. I used to have a different audiologist for many years but she left working for the ear doctor's office and went to work at a discount store. So I'm getting used to the new woman. Love that episode of Seinfeld. I've been there, done that with people who talk outside my range of hearing.

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  5. No, I cannot believe it's already September! It seems like you were moving into the CCC about a week ago. Sometimes it's almost scary how much faster time seems to be going, now that we're older. I have to admit, my mother warned me it would happen. As for your hearing aids needing so much more care than your previous one. I don't know if I'm getting more cynical or if things really are changing, but stuff doesn't seem to work as well or last as long as it used to. I don't have hearing aids, (I have no doubt that both my husband and I probably need them), but I think dentistry has changed. I can't figure out that the dental crowns I got over 30 years ago, are still functioning well, but the ones that are a few years old already need replacing. I thought it was just me, but we have family members saying the same thing. I'm sorry to hear that the spot on your ankle hasn't healed yet. Fingers crossed that the new socks help! I love your line, "It sure takes a lot of time to be old..." Amen, sister! And then the lyrics to Knowing You. Oh my, that grabs the heart! There are many one-liners spoken in our house: Remember when we could eat anything we wanted? Remember when we'd get up early, get in the car, and run around all day? Remember when we could stay up and watch movies until midnight? Remember when we could work all week, then clean the entire house and do all the yard work on Saturdays? Enough already. As long as we're living, we're changing. That's okay. Most of us cope pretty doggone well!

    I always enjoy reading your blogs with my morning coffee, Jean. You make me think about life. Hope you have a good weekend. I'll bet the CCC will party up the Labor Day weekend.

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    1. Don't even get me started on Dentists!

      I love all your one liners. So much truth in them that is universal as we age, but it's better than the alternative at this point in time.

      In one month exactly it will be my one year anniversary of moving here. And I don't regret it at all. There have been some hitches in our food service lately but we still have a great. I don't miss the work I'd have to do in the yard this time of the year to get ready for winter and I don't miss taking care of a big house. In fact, I was looking around yesterday and wishing I'd don't sized even more than I did.

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  6. "I'd been patronized." Yep, and how did that make you feel? Isn't it something to know you're making a valid point, based on experience, then have your point dismissed because of ageism... or gender, too, I suppose. Underestimate me at your own peril, young folks.

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    1. 'Patronized' is a word and action worthy of an entire post someday, isn't it.

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  7. I have had hearing aids for quite awhile and think I need to get back in to have them checked. I know they will try to sell me new ones but I don't want to spend that money now. Hearing aids never restored my hearing to perfect hearing, tho. If I am in a large group and everyone is talking, I just smile and nod because I can't hear most of it...

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    1. My new hearing aids have a button to push that makes you only hear the person/s within six feet and all the background sounds disappears. I use that feature all the time. I am thinking of getting it set up for BlueTooth since it has that feature but I didn't think I wanted it until a neighbor was explaining how much easier it is to use the phone that way.

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  8. Hearing aids and the accompanying patronization that comes with being tested and fitted is hard to stomach. Wouldn't you think audiologists would have to have training on how to interact with older people since most of their patients are older??!!
    I don't have them, but a good friend needed them and she frequently bemoans the fact that most of what she hears is background noise she doesn’t want to hear despite two adjustments, so keeps them turned down so low she still has to ask people to repeat themselves. She wasn't offered the magic button to diminish background noise. The Oregon coast is considered a ‘rural area’ and the audiologist is only here twice a month for one day. Hearing loss is the most isolating of the changes that occur with aging, and it breaks my heart to see what happens to people who don't adjust well.
    It's good hearing aids will be available over the counter in Oct/Nov, but I wonder if the lower price also means bottom of the barrel options for people with anything but the mildest hearing loss.

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    1. My aids have a toggle switch (or button) where I can choose between several different settings that my specialist programmed for me. I have "restaurant", "outdoors", and "crowd" with a voice telling me first in the left ear and then the right ear which setting I've selected. They do help dampen the background noise and sometimes I've used the "crowd" one when I'm out walking and there's a lot of traffic noise. When I take my aids out at night to shower, I'm always struck by how low my TV sounds without them. Before I got them, my poor little dog must have suffered from a blaring TV. No wonder he always went under the blanket on the couch. lol

      When it comes to conversations, even with aids, it's recommended that the person you're speaking to faces you to facilitate better understanding. I've gotten pretty good at lip reading. (Yet another Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George enlist the help of Marlee Matlin to secretly spy on a restaurant conversation by lip reading.)
      If you're interested, here's a website that has the scripts for all 180 Seinfeld episodes.

      http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/seinfeld-scripts.html

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    2. L.S. _ I wondered the same thing about the quality of the hearing aids over the counter. I also wonder if they will become like eye glasses where you get tested by a doctor and the doctor tells you if you can use the over the counter glasses and which ones to get.

      My hearing aids are the next to the bottom on the price chart. The lower one didn't have the 'magic button' to filter out background noise. One thing they tell you is that you have to wear them every day even if you're not around people so you'll adapt to the noises they pick up. Just wearing them occasionally doesn't help.

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    3. That's right about wearing the aids even when you aren't around people. You're essentially retraining your brain to hear sounds that you may not have heard for years. It took a couple of months of my specialist gradually increasing everything on my aids before I was "up to speed." Having it all at once would have been to much to deal with at first. Your husband's $29 aids were probably just hearing amplifiers. They make everything louder without any accommodation for the range of hearing loss.

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    4. Texas T _ That's funny about the dog hiding under the covers. I suspect--now---that's why Levi didn't like to sleep in the bedroom with me because I'd always have the TV on and not be wearing my aids. I just thought he didn't like like me well enough Levi was my dog for anyone new to my blog.

      Thanks for the link. Seinfeld had some great and classic skits.

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    5. Texas T _ I'm sure you're right about the $29 hearing aids. It was a lark to send for them and I still see them advertised but I think they've gone up to $59. Like the approach your audiologist took.

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    6. This thread made me realize how lucky I am in my audiologist. She knows that I'm interested in the scientific research about neuroplasticity, so she always saves relevant articles from her professional journals for me -- no patronizing or ageism. I wonder how many people who have trouble with background noise are not wearing their hearing aids enough. When I first got mine, I thought I would lose my mind; driving home with them, the road noise and the loudness of things like my directional signals clicking were awful. Within days, though, my brain had pretty much adjusted and learned to screen out the background noise (just like it did before I had hearing loss). I put in my hearing aids when I get dressed in the morning and leave them in until I get ready for bed at night, even if I'm not interacting with other people.

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    7. Wearing them all the times is the secret to getting used to them. Like you said, in time your brain learns to ignore the background stuff.

      Your audiologist is definitely not patronizing you. I miss my last audiologist. I started when she was first out of college and I was 15 years younger. We had a great working relationship.

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  9. Hearing aid? As in only one? I need to head into Costco and get mine cleaned and tuned up AND add the app again so I can adjust discreetly. I rarely wear mine at home but am reconsidering. I think we could write a month's worth of blogs just on hearing!!

    And another month on patronizing. I'm pretty lucky (so far) that none of my health related people have done that to me.

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    1. No, I have two but only one of them has stopped working so I only took that one back. Write on...I've given you the topics. LoL

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  10. I love having clocks and calendars around the house don't get people who don't have them and yes it is September already

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  11. A few weeks ago I heard a song on Utube and in a flash it brought back a long ago brief memory. My thought was, oh when I was young and had my whole life before me. It made me sad. We are on the last train now. It might be a long one and it may be a nice one, but it is nonetheless, the last one. I find I get melancholy more often these days…

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    1. You get it. That's exactly what happens to me. I'll be going along in the moment, happy and then something will trigger a memory and regret for the passing of time will get to me.

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  12. You know what my trick is with yogurt? I stir a spoonful or two or some American Spoon delight into the stuff: blueberry fruit perfect into blueberry yogurt, sour cherry fruit perfect into cherry or vanilla, lemon curd into lemon. I'll often eat that as a desert; at other times, I'll throw some granola on top, and it's so good I have to keep myself from having a second serving. My favorite is Noosa, but I had to stop buying that, since it's so full of fat and sugar. Sure is good, though -- I'll still have it for an occasional treat.

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    1. That would SO work! I love American Spoon. Yogurt I only eat when I think I need it which is often too late.

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  13. You're so right about it taking a lot of time, growing older. Kate and I were talking about how much time we spend doing stuff -- doc appointments. taking other people to doc appointments, PT, medical health routines. And none of it is particularly fun. I'm worried about your leg and hope the socks will help. I know your surgery date is coming up, too. Is it outpatient or do they keep you in? Please keep us posted!

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    1. My surgery is out patient but they'll put me under so I'll be there three hours as a wake up. My niece will be with me. My dominate hand will be in a splint for a week but I'm not suppose to use it for two weeks. I've got posts scheduled during that time but I'm hoping to add footnotes at the bottom of those four posts. Short, one-handed notes and replies to comments.

      I think I'm seeing improvement on my leg but if it is it's very slight.

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  14. It sure does take a lot of time to be old, so true. Am feeling it this morning after spending 12+ hours on my feet yesterday doing renovation work and cleaning at my new place. Everything aches today and now I need a day to recover 😂. At least I hope it’s ONLY a day…

    Deb

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    1. Ya, as we age we need to pace ourselves and that's hard to do when we have a vision of something as awesome as a new home to work on. I'm so happy for you.

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  15. Oh, I'd be forty again in a heartbeat. Even fifty. (And I'm *only* 63.) We've had days and days of rain and damp, and my hand arthritis is killing me. The Joys Of Aging.

    I'm having the same problem my grandmother used to describe to me. She used to tell me that her mind wanted to do things her body wouldn't let her. She said she felt betrayed by "this old body of mine." Now I get it.

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    1. Arthritis is a wicked bitch and I wish I knew how to kill her off and save the world from her bad temper on rainy days. She resides in my foot and fingers.

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  16. Yup! Melancholy moods can be triggered by music for me, too -- doesn't always have to have lyrics. Frustrating when our bodies start wearing out.

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    1. Growing older includes a sense of mourning what used to be before we start appreciating what we've had. I'm sure grumpy old men get stuck in that mourning period.

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  17. "Growing older includes a sense of mourning what used to be before we start appreciating what we've had. I'm sure grumpy old men get stuck in that mourning period."

    OMG…that fits my deceased husband perfectly. He was stuck after retirement in just that place…

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