My first Christmas alone after my husband died came on the heels of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School that took the lives of twenty children and six adults. It put my grief in perspective. After all, I had forty-two years with Don and the parents in Newtown, Connecticut only got a few years with their innocent little angels. Their bottomless grief was a stark reminder that there are always people in the world who are hurting more than we do. I asked the universe back then “Where have you Gone, Christmas?” Now I'm asking similar questions when the world is so full of hate and war and discord. A world where our dysfunctional Congress has done nothing since Newtown to curb school shootings that are as common now as fleas on an alley cat. But I’m trying my best to push the atrocities of war and political inaction aside and find my Christmas spirit. How do I do that? Do I embrace Solomon’s line about there being a time for peace and a time for war, essentially saying “it’s not my problem, let God handle it?”
“To everything there is a season….a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” In times of grief I’ve always found that Bible verse to be comforting and it’s commonly quoted in sympathy cards. I just wish Solomon’s list of contrasting seasons didn’t end with, “there is a time for war and a time for peace.” I much prefer the Humanist Bible’s take on war and peace which says in Proverbs Chapter 143: “There was never a good war or a bad peace," a quote 'borrowed' from Benjamin Franklin and meant to remind us all that wars come with a terrible cost, no matter the altruistic justifications we use to support them. With that off my chest, I've given my Christmas ghosts their due. Tomorrow I'll turn the page and find my holiday spirit.
There is so much Christmas related stuff going on here at the Continuum Care Complex where I live that you can feel the energy has changed but most of it is stuff I’m not interested in taking part in. First, there is a bus trip today a town on Lake Michigan for holiday shopping followed by lunch. Another day of shopping takes place next week to a pop-up Christmas market here in town. Another night they've booked a trolley ride through a baseball park set up with millions of Christmas lights. Then there is the annual “Decorate the Lobby” party where last year there were two dozen chiefs and very few Indians doing the work. I walked over to that event last year with the intent to get involved but kept right on walking when I saw what was going on. Creative decisions by committee is not my cup of anything. Well, maybe a shot of whiskey could make me see the humor in five people trying to figure out where to hang one Christmas ornament on a tree. When I started in the floral industry I had an old boss who was fond of saying, “Time is money” so I learned to make creative decisions that didn’t light his fire by soliciting the opinions of others. I was a trained floral designer and I had to own it. He was a crusty old guy that most people didn't like but we got along great and he taught me a lot like, "If you don't drink coffee you don't get a coffee break."
In the food department here at the CCC I was happy to see a cookie decorating event on our calendar again and I signed up for that and the gingerbread house contest. We get our house kits this week and I’m excited about that. They’ll have a bake sale here closer to Christmas like they did before Thanksgiving. The kitchen bakes all kinds of goodies we can buy to take to family parties. They are good but pricey. But what isn’t these days. They’ll also have a Christmas buffet and our resident driven Christmas and New Year’s Eve parties.
I’m not one of these people who plays Christmas music in the house. My only music related tradition comes in the form of two music boxes. One my dad brought home from a deer hunting trip when I was four-five years old. It’s the kind that hangs round a child’s neck and it has a crank on the side to play Jiggle Bells. It still worked up until last year. The other music box has a wooden Santa's sleigh on top that goes around when the music plays Silent Night. I’ve had that one since the ‘60s. But on this campus there are tons of music related things to go to. Two bus rides off campus to hear concerts at local churches. A choral group is coming here and we’ve already had a two man show of Christmas music, and a Christmas Caroles sing-along is coming up before the ink is even dry on this essay. (If I were writing this out long-hand instead of on a computer. I need an updated, before-the-ink-is-dry phrase. Any suggestions?) And did I mention all the exercise classes that involve music---and there are four of them---have switched over to Christmas music? The exercise addicted people on campus are going to be sick of it before 2024 gets ushered in. I’m sick of it and I just walk past the exercise room on my way to other things.
And last but not least for many people on campus, since the beginning of November through the end of the year the Movie series, The Chosen One plays twice a week with a study discussion taking place afterward. (They did the same thing last year as well.) Those discussions occasionally spill out onto the lunch table so I know the series is, to quote the internet: “based on the true stories of the gospels of Jesus Christ. Some locations and timelines have been combined or condensed. Backstories and some characters or dialogue have been added.” All the people who are following this series rave about it and for a minute and a half when it first started this year I thought about watching it with the others. My favorite pastor on campus, Ms Angel from my creative writing group, was to lead the discussions and she knows I’m a serious doubting Thomas when it comes to religion. But two weeks ago she and another pastor got downsized without any warning that it was coming. Now, this campus and our sister campus share one pastor. I don’t know how they could do that to her right before Christmas. She was devastated…but trying her best to see this as not an ending of a hard earned goal but as the beginning of a new chapter. And isn't that what most/many of us do when we must move on? ©
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).
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ReplyDeleteAt least you can pick and choose. We are decorating our two clubhouse rooms on Friday, Dec 1. In the past, it has only been the chosen few. This year the whole complex is invited and I think I will attend. I've been The Introvert of All times for three years and I deem it time to shake it off. So stay tuned. I'm also writing a few articles for our monthly newsletter that now comes out towards the end of each month. The Grands have 3 weeks of school then two weeks off. We are heading up to the snow for three nights and I'm pretty sure I'm tagging along. It's a VRBO with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. They can go out and play in the snow and tube down mountains .... I'll keep the fire going and make dinner.
ReplyDeleteWill bring some games and puzzles and just have fun.
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I think my blog will be back in the new year
Oh, that's exciting! Both your vacation and possible return of your blog. Getting more involved in your complex is a good thing too as the boys are no doubt outgrowing the need for constant grandma duty.
DeleteThe decorating most likely will be too many chiefs and not enough Indians as you've experienced. Now the boys just seem to want rides to hang out at other homes!!!
DeleteHow about "before I hit Publish" for your new updated saying?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your complex likes to offer a lot of holiday events so that residents are spoiled for choice, but it all sounds very busy and overwhelming to me. I get all Christmased Out well before December is even half over.
It's great that they offer so many opportunities for people to go shopping, though. Probably safer and less tiring than having them all try to get out there and drive and shop by themselves.
That's a brilliant updated line. Thank you!
DeleteI love how all the events that involve a bus trip drop you off right at the doors to where you need to be and pick you to minimize walking. I don't anyone to buy gifts for so thus I have no desire to shop. But I'm glad they offer them.
All the stuff going on here could get overwhelming but there is no pressure to join in anything you don't want to. Plus I don't live in the main building where the lobby, mail room and activities room and restaurants are located so it's very quiet here. I rarely see anyone in the hall or elevator or going to the trash room.
Wow. I'm exhausted just reading that list. And, like you, distressed about what happened to Ms. Angel. Since she's a resident (right?) can't she do that role anyway? Or maybe she wouldn't want to after this. I like the idea of the gingerbread contest and cookie decorating. It seems like it would be more fun to have a cookie exchange that residents baked instead of buying cookies made by the kitchen, but maybe not enough would want to participate. Well, you can't say they don't take care of their residents with activities there. That's a load!
ReplyDeleteI told Ms Angel she'll always be a pastor even without the formal title. I felt so bad for her. She is a resident but will no longer be asked to lead prayers or conducting Sunday services or Hospice duty and it was a paid position. Back in the 60s and 70s she wrote a religion column for our local paper. And wanted to be a pastor since she was a very young girl but was told a woman couldn't do that job. Fast forward to when she retired from an college administrative job she went to seminar school to fulfill a life long dream. Christmas is a particular special time of the year for that line of work, I would imagine. I still can't get over the insensitivity of the timing of the downsizing.
DeleteI think there are some small groups of friends who do a cookie exchange among themselves. But others like me who are happy to buy them. Health laws prevent them from having residents working in the kitchen.
I hadn't hear of the Humanist Bible so am glad to know it exists. I would enjoy having holiday music events. Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteIt's title is The Good Book: a Humanist Bible by A.C. Grayling and this is what Amazon says about it:
Delete"Drawn from the wealth of secular literature and philosophy in both Western and Eastern traditions, using the same techniques of editing, redaction, and adaptation that produced the holy books of the Judeo-Christian and Islamic religions, The Good Book consciously takes its design and presentation from the Bible. In its beauty of language and its arrangement into short chapters and verses for ease of reading and quotability, it offers the non-religious seeker all the wisdom, insight, solace, inspiration, and perspective of secular humanist traditions that are older, far richer, and more various than Christianity. Organized in twelve main sections-Genesis, Histories, Wisdom, The Sages, Parables, Consolations, Lamentations, Proverbs, Songs, Epistles, Acts, and the Good-The Good Book opens with meditations on the origin and progress of the world and human life in it, then devotes attention to the question of how life should be lived, how we relate to one another, and how vicissitudes are to be faced and joys appreciated. Inspired by the writing of Herodotus and Lucretius, Confucius and Mencius, Seneca and Cicero, Montaigne, Bacon, and so many others, The Good Book fulfills its audacious purpose in every way."
Oh, I am so sorry about what happened to Ms. Angel! You're right - why couldn't they have waited until after Christmas to bring down the axe? Very Scrooge-y of management. I need to turn the page as well, and put up a few Christmas decorations. I've been reading about and witnessing a lot of trauma (also a lot of humour and wisdom) thanks to a course (that just finished) called Voices of the Coast Salish Elders. Which was good - we all need to listen to and acknowledge the harms done by white society to Indigenous peoples...but also very, very heavy. I am going to try to make December a bit lighter (trauma free, if possible) with my learning and yes, I realize I am extremely privileged to be able to make that choice! Thanks for another thoughtful post, Jean.
ReplyDeleteDeb
That course sounds very interesting and would fit right into some of the books we've read recently in book club about indigenous people. It's too bad society has taken so long to listen and learn from them. I love how you've embraced the area with its rich cultural history after your move.
DeleteOh dear. I hate to hear of your pastor getting let go, especially at Christmastime. Is this a cost cutting measure? I know organizations are looking for ways to cut back, but that seems very short sighted. I hope she lands well.
ReplyDeleteSO MANY Christmas activities to choose from. Like you, I'm not keen on the non-stop Christmas music, nor am I a fan of group creativity...lol. I will say, our kids took the grands to the ballpark lights one year and they all loved it. I think the gingerbread house competition sounds like fun...and you did so well last year. And I am another who hasn't heard of the Humanist Bible and will be looking it up. You always have some interesting nuggets. :-)
Last spring our CCC merged with an out of state chain of faith based CCCs. They have 7-8 places in four states now. Lots of small changes have taken place since then and several of the best people who worked here have found different jobs. Many of us say had we known they were going to merge, letting go of the local control, we wouldn't have bought into the place. So far the changes haven't been major.
DeleteDid you see the paragraph about the Humanist Bible I copies and pasted for Judhli above?
Oh dear. Mergers are rarely positive, are they? :-(
DeleteYes! I ordered it from the library -- it sounds really interesting. Thanks!
I'd love the cookie and ginger bread house building of all those listed. I'm sorry about Ms. Angel. That's downsizing, no warning, just letting one go, but at Christmas that seems a bit harsh to me. Since I am not religious I was unaware of your Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. But as I read it I was hearing the song from the 60s by Pete Seeger called Turn Turn Turn. You familiar? ( I think the Byrds did the song around 65 or mid 60s but I could be wrong)
ReplyDeleteI'm not religious either but I'm shocked that someone could get past mid life and not have heard it in every day life. But then I live in a very religious part of the country where quoting the Bible happens in every day life. I also remember Turn, Turn Turn which was clearly a ripped off from that Bible verse.
DeleteKnowing Ms Angel I'm guessing she'd even started writing her sermons for the holidays.
I'm with you on the Christmas music. There's only so many times you can hear When A Child Is Born without feeling suicidal! I have trouble, too, with organised religion - so many dreadful things perpetrated in the name of religion which was absolutely the opposite of what Jesus taught. As for Christmas decorations, you've given me an idea for a post! Have a wonderful festive time! xx
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see what you write about decorating for Christmas!
Delete“There was never a good war or a bad peace" That is a wonderful timely idea. I'm liking the interpretation. I don't know about The Chosen One and will admit it sounds dreadful to me. Of course I'm not much into movies, so that must be why it doesn't sound intriguing to me. 🙄
ReplyDeleteThat's my interpretation but I'm thinking its close to what old Ben meant.
DeleteThe only reason I wanted to see the movie because so many here people rave about it. It would be like studying pop-culture around here and I knew Ms Angel wouldn't ask me questions during the discussions that would "out me" as a non-believer. Do any of them question the stuff that is presented as fact when those stories were passed down orally for four hundred years before they were written down?
I'm stuck home with Covid right now but I am lucky that I had my booster and some meds from my doctor and I am feeling better already. I may do some holiday decorating to fill my time at home.
ReplyDeleteGlad you have so many holiday festivities to join and hope you stay healthy and happy!
There is indeed a Time for everything it seems, even the shitty stuff. Glad to hear you've got so much Holiday to choose from, sorry to hear your Rent increased, how can they do that if you locked in to a Price Point? I guess I just assumed it was like entering into a Fixed Rate Mortgage... and Yes, it would scare me to not know about increases, that's why I don't Rent and locked into a low Fixed Rate Mortgage that is predictable... within reason, since Taxes and Insurance of PITI always has fluctuations of coarse. Death and Taxes being the only Given...
ReplyDeleteIt's not really 'rent'. They call it a 'service fee' and it pays for building and grounds maintenance, staffing, utilities, food and health care banking, When we bought into the place we were told the service fees would go up around 10% a year but that was before Covid messed everything up.
DeleteI do love Christmas, but after being a part of its celebrations 'professionally' for so many years, a part of me suspects your pastor will find some unexpected benefits to being 'downsized.' As for the timing, it does seem unnecessarily harsh, but my own suspicion is that it had more to do with bookkeeping and their fiscal year than any human considerations. As for being let go at Christmas, I could tell you a whopper of a tale about that. Suffice it to say that, decades ago, my husband finally walked out on me on Christmas Eve; standing in the door, he said, "You like Christmas so much? You'll remember this one." If I ever get up there and we can chat, I'd love to tell you the whole story, but it's not for a blog. Now, I laugh about it, and recognize it as the good thing it was -- this Home Free song makes me laugh even more. Wait for the twist; it's the best Advent calendar ever!
ReplyDeleteThat was a pretty funny video. I've heard that a lot of couples do break up through the holidays but you're the first person I've run across that experienced it first hand. Now you've got me curious about what you did 'professionally' back then. It could be florist, party planner, caterer, something to do with music, retail merchandising. My money is on 'music' performances.
DeleteI think you're probably right about the timing of the downsizing being a fiscal year thing. Her daughter wants her to start writing more so our writing group will benefit from her job loss. She's a great writer with a heart-breaking and courageous back story to tell.
Great blog
ReplyDeleteI'm new to your blog, and I did enjoy reading your post. Sounds like you are living in a very active community with a lot of activities to keep the everyone entertained and busy. My husband and I have been living in a 600 unit Condo in South Florida as snowbirds for the past 10 years. I've learned that communal living is not for everyone. As you said, "Lots of chiefs and very few Indians" and here we have lots of VERY opinionated people and lots of emotions running high and lots of arguments. This year I volunteered to be on the social committee to help decorate the lobby for Christmas and Hanukkah! There were actual screaming matches about where decorations should be placed. So sad it took out all the joy. Anyway, I do enjoy Christmas music..
ReplyDeleteWelcome! I can't even image a 600 unit condo community. I'll have to pop over to your blog and compare notes. Our campus has 55 people in our two independent living buildings where l live and 20 free standing homes plus another 100 residents or so between the memory care and assisted living buildings. The buildings are spread out around a small lake so. I've lived here two years and haven't seen a screaming match yet. Sometime to look forward too. LOL
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