Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Levi and the Music in my Life


Levi had to go back to the vet recently for a recheck of the pus pocket on his lip. It cleared up nicely on the antibiotics but he was still digging and scratching the area constantly. This time we were able to see a 'skin tag' we didn’t see before and it freaked me out when I discovered it a few days before the appointment because I thought it was an embedded tick. Between the veterinary, her tech assistant, me and Levi’s cooperation the vet was able to pronounce that what I thought were legs coming out of the ‘thing’ were not. We were also able to see that the salivary gland near the upper lip where the pus pocket was two weeks ago was enlarged and the vet was guessing it’s plugged and that’s the source of the annoying itching Levi was experiencing. 

She put him on a twice a day drug for itching and it’s been like a miracle. I’ve only seen him digging at his mouth three times in four days since starting the pills. The plan is to reduce the drug down to once a day after a two week trial, hoping to give the salivary gland a rest and chance to correct itself. Going into surgically open it up or remove the gland would be costly and an unnecessary risk at his age. Better to do it with his annual teeth cleaning next summer, if the pills give him enough relief to wait and he's not running a fever. As Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say, “It’s always something.” 

Changing topics: I’ve been in the car a lot lately which means I’ve been hearing a lot of music. I don’t listen to it in the house but I’ll explain that later. Yesterday Thomas Rhett came on The Highway XM radio channel singing the last choir of his latest song, “Now I'm twenty-five and I'm drinking wine with my wife at home. Got a couple of dogs and a couple of songs on the radio and we sit around and we laugh about how we used to be when all we cared about was turning sixteen.” The song progressed from looking forward to sixteen, then to eighteen and twenty-one…always looking forward to the next benchmark. That’s what I’ve done my entire life, never happy with the here and now. That is until I got so old the next benchmark is dying and I find I don’t know how to live in the here and now.

Honestly, I don’t understand why people don’t like Country Western music. The songs are mini stories about looking back and looking forward and enjoying where you’re at. They’re about crying and laughing and loving. Sure, a few of the songs are about pickup trucks and hard drinking but more talk about things like skipping rocks on a river and watching sunsets with the one you love. And there’s a lot of practical advice in Country Western songs like in this one Kenny Chesney sang to me yesterday: 

“Scared to live, scared to die
We ain't perfect but we try
Get along while we can
Always give love the upper hand
Paint a wall, learn to dance
Call your mom, buy a boat
Drink a beer, sing a song
Make a friend….”

I don’t listen to music in the house is because 1) it makes me too moody, and 2) I get lost in the song writer’s creativity and that stifles my own if I’m trying to write. Getting lost in their storytelling makes me forget to eat, pay bills and wipe my…dog’s feet when he comes inside. You thought I was going to say something else, didn’t you. I thought about it but I pride myself on not being crude enough that I’d say “wipe my ass” in public. 

When I was in college I took a class on Music Appreciation and we studied classical pieces side-by-side with those written by the new-at-the-time Beatles. The professor predicted that the Beatles music would be around in four hundred years. Years later I got to hear an entire concert of Beatles music played by a full orchestra and I was blown away. The professor was right and I loved his class but the only time I listened to classical music after that was when I was plowing snow. Rachmaninoff’s Flight of the Bumblebee and Beethoven’s 5th Sympathy could keep me awake like no other tip or trick of professional truckers. I still have my old cassettes but no way to play them without my pickup truck. 

Music played an important part in a different stage of my life. After my husband’s stroke I was back to singing childhood songs in the car everywhere we’d go. Songs learned before the age of five are stored in a different part of our brains, his speech therapist said, so singing them is a way to try to kick-start lost speech to come back. It didn’t work and after a year that "homework" faded out of our world but for the rest of his life Don often belted out, “Jesus likes me. Yo, you know” and every time I’d reply, “I think Jesus loved you when you were a kid." At that point he’d switch the only other song he could (almost) sing, Happy Birthday. Of all the things I’ve written over the past nearly two decades of writing on the web, my favorite humorous essay was about Don and his two songs. If interested, you can read it here. But be warned, the word ‘ass’ does come up. ©

32 comments:

  1. Glad Levi is getting better and hope he continues to avoid the scratching.

    Apparently the neural connections for the music language stimulation must not have been intact for your husband. I know from experience that rhythm, physically tapping out the beat can be a way in to release and restructure words coming out intelligibly for some with Verbal Apraxia. You certainly gave it a yeomans try if he had later recovery, or had that function begun to be receptive after his stroke.

    After reading your novel post on the matter I noted that he demonstrated what often occurs with individuals experiencing your husband’s verbal expression problem — highly emotional situations for them, as you created with an ultimatum he seemed to understand, can often result in the person spontaneously uttering words they previously have not been able to say. This does not mean they now will be able to use those words again under other circumstances.

    Music — guess that’s why we have so many different music genres and different instrumentations — different strokes for different folks to stimulate our feelings. There are only select tunes, artists and instrumentations that resonate with me for whatever the reasons. For example, I don’t care for the Beatles as a group, but do like a number of their compositions performed with different instrumentation by other musicians. There’s a lot of Rock ‘N Roll I don’t like, but some I do — like a number of Pink Floyd’s creations. Much Country music instrumentation just misses stimulating emotions or moods for me, regardless of the lyrics — although as I’ve read, it has also alienated many older country fans who complain of recent decades performers incorporating pop music which makes it less pure. However, doing so seems to have appealed to more people.







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    1. Don had aphasia, apraxia and agraphia but I guess it's not uncommon to have more than one language disorder going on at once. I saw the emotion driven words come out, like you mentioned, several times like the "change lanes" in essay linked in this post and you are so right about the fact that just because he could say the phrase once he never was able to say it again. After a few years of speech therapy he could parrot anything just as clear as a bell but not initiate more than a few words on his own which lots of people misunderstand as speech or progress. Two neurologists said he'd be a vegetable for the rest of his life, the damaged area in his brain was so large. But he was far from vegetable and the third neurologist who I had come exam him could see it in his eyes that he was "in there" and gave him a chance at stroke rehab. Five years out from the stroke I wrote that doctor a letter on all Don/we had accomplished and he wrote a long, appreciative letter back. I wish I had remembered the names of the other two doctors...they're the ones who should have gotten a progress report from me. Though I will admit if a patient or his family gives up on life, the outcome would be different, but we didn't do that.

      I'm not a huge of rock either. I can't even name any groups. You're right about country music having changed a lot. I don't like older country but I have a friend who doesn't like newer country. A lot of the newer has some great instruments features. I wish I could remember the name of one I love that has violin solos as beautiful as in classical music. I used to be into bluegrass big time time in my 30s. Don't know why that changed. Liked jazz in my 20s and can't stand it today. Thank goodness there's plenty of music genres for all of us and for different times of our lives.

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  2. I'm so sorry for Levi and hope that he'll bee feeling much better. I've learned that having a pet is a full time job. My daughter bought a a little dog along having 2 cats. One of the cats just couldn't live with the dog so she's getting rid of the one cat. Everyone loves the dog even me. Of course I've always loved dogs. I would get one for myself but Mary Lou warned me that it's her or a dog and I couldn't sleep without Mary Lou. LOL
    I love country western music. That's all that I listen to. I use to enjoy Rock & Roll but it's changed so much. I no longer like it. Oh well, see ya Jean.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. Good choice, Paul. LOL Some people just don't like the extra work a pet brings into our lives. To me, that extra work and trouble is offset by the advantages of having a dog. Although as often as you two go on cruises it would harder.

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  3. Poor Levi! I always feel bad for animals when they have a medical problem; that they suffer or don't feel just right must confuse them right along with the pain.

    I dislike country music because of all the twanging. It all sounds the same to me, and it sounds...uneducated to my ear. All the dropped g's on -ing words and ain'ts irritate me. And a lot of it is sappy.

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    1. Levi seemed to know the vet is trying to help him. He's not one of those dogs that runs and hide when you mention going to vet. He's actually excited to get in the door. But also excited to leave.

      Fair criticism of country music, given your career. It would be grating to listen to dropped g's etc. I don't mind sappy but then I only listen in the car so don't hear it for extended times. A shot of sappy is like coffee for the soul. I couldn't listen all day long. It's like Hallmark movies that I know you also don't like. LOL

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  4. Poor Levi! Get well soon buddy. Every time I think about getting a small dog ... I remember the $$$. They are such wonderful companions. My little guy was the billion dollar dog ... until I switched him to a raw food diet.

    I so look forward to your blog!

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    1. Thanks. I'd think it would get boring after reading it as long as you have.

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    2. But there are always new things!

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    3. I will admit that sometimes I go do something to get out of the house so I'll have something to write about. LOL

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  5. So glad you have found relief for Levi. Personally, I'd rather be in pain than itch. Great that he does well with the vet. Callie is so bad about barking at the other dogs, I have to take her in a back door and she shivers the whole time.
    The best think about country music is that you can understand all the words. With hip hop or rap, the only words I understand are the curse words.
    Isn't it interesting how the words to a song we haven't heard in 50 years are right there without prompting.

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    1. We had a dog when I was a kid that didn't like the vet, acted like Callie and had to be dragged in. Every dog I've had as an adult got desensitized to going. The office was near-by and I'd stop in often when the dog didn't have an appointment and let the office crew lavish love on him/her and then walk back out. Works like a charm if you start doing that when they're young.

      I actually had to research the songs that toddlers in the 40s were apt to know. They came back to me, with one read-through. Mark Kelly's wife, the representative from out west who as shot in the head, used a LOT of music therapy to help get back her speech.

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  6. I stopped listening to music in the evenings while I am reading. It used to be pleasant background but since being involved in music, it is no longer background and I can’t do the two things at the same time. Either I listen to music or I read. I am a classical music listener. I don’t know much about country music and I certainly don’t know much about the music part of country music. My initial listening to music with lyrics is usually to listen to the lyrics rather than the music.
    I saw a documentary once about pop music and specifically the Beatles that said that during the initial phase of their fame, it was clear that girls were listening to the lyrics and boys were listening to the guitars and drums. Interesting!
    Regards
    Leze

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    1. That is interesting about the Beatles! The lyrics can be like puzzles or poetry you can't necessarily figure out.

      Also interesting that you've lost the ability to listen to music and read at the same time. That's basically what I'm saying about getting side-tracked if I have music on in the house. I'm able to block on the sound of a TV running in the background though. We humans are so complex and interesting, aren't we.

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  7. Poor Levi, but it sounds like he's on the mend. Thankfully.

    Dad had a stroke in his late seventies, and the doctor told us he would have to go to a nursing home for the rest of his life. My brother told him that he knew my father was "in there" that he knew he could understand him. The doctor told my brother that he only wanted him to be "in there" so that's what he was seeing. In other words, he was seeing what he wanted to see. The next day Dad was sitting up shaving and complaining about wanting to go home. The doctor actually apologized to my brother and my father.

    Years ago, I heard someone on television (I forget who) say that the Beatles' music would be around for hundreds of years.

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    1. I'll bet that conversation took place in front of your dad. The one I had with the two doctors did. I was so angry! I'm sure they thought he couldn't hear or understand but that part of his brain was untouched, which of course they should have known better than me. I told them, "Half of Don's brain is better than most people's full brain." He had a very high IQ. At least you got an apology. Heard so many stories like that when we were going to speech clinics. They write people off to quickly because of insure issues not covering all the therapies needed and if a family member doesn't advocate like your brother and I did, it's throwing away any chance a person has of going home.

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  8. I'm sorry Levi is having issues but it sounds like he's on the mend or at least getting some relief from the itching. That's good news.

    Rick is the music guy in our family and we usually listen to classical (though not completely) with him. I listen less than I used to but I pick Broadway musicals and not a lot of current stuff. These days it's Christmas 24/7! In the car or at home. I love those songs and it's like a present to get them once a year!

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    1. I can image Rick baking while listen to Classical music. That would be meditative combination.

      Even the Prime Country radio channel switched to all Christmas recently so I'm hearing my share. When I was younger I liked listening to Broadway musicals. Funny how our tastes change over our lives.

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  9. Glad Levi is getting some relief.
    Odd that you don't listen in your home. I would think it is all better there. It is for me. In the car I can't focus on the music. Just the opposite of you I suppose. Either way, music makes the world go 'round and I couldn't live without it.

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    1. The pills definitely help at lot and they don't zonk him out at all.

      Music in the car is so easy to turn down if the situation gets tense...just move my thumb over a bit on the steering wheel.

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  10. I hope Levi is well and truly on the mend! I love all kinds of music, and I do love the storytelling/philosophical aspect of country as well. Interesting what you wrote about music and how it affects the brain! Thanks Jean, for another great post.

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    1. He's doing much better.

      Science is discovering new things about music every day and its effects on the brain. They even have mixes now to calm down dogs and I've read reports of how kennels and shelters are using them we good results.

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  11. Dear Jean, so good to learn that Levi is doing so well on this new med. I just got good news about one of the cats with whom I live--Maggie. I hope to post about that next Sunday.

    I read your earlier post about your husband and his singing. Being a caregiver is taking courses daily and hourly in becoming a full-fledged saint! Peace.

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    1. Glad your news about Maggie is good. Our fur babies are a so such an important part of our lives.

      I've heard people say that caregivers are saints but I love your twist to the compliment. Caregivers do learn daily what works, what doesn't.

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  12. I love the photo you used to illustrate this post. Any idea what the story is that goes with it?
    Glad to hear Levi is on the mend.

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    1. I found by googling orchestra+image+funny and when I clicked on the image it took me to a Reddit page. Reddit is social "news aggregation" for discussion. The page discusses this photo and some of the comments are funny but with my brief reading there I couldn't figure out where the original photo was taken. Maybe you'll have better luck at: https://www.reddit.com/r/classicalmusic/comments/ixvvu/worlds_greatest_conductor_rfunny_xpost/

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    2. One of the comments identifies it as the Cleveland Orchestra. When I was out walking today, I finally realized that the inflatable figure in the photo is the conductor. Once I realized this, I could really appreciate the looks on the musicians' faces as they try to follow the conductor's instructions. Very, very funny.

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    3. I knew it was supposed to be the conductor but I'm glad you identified the orchestra. That must have been a fun experience for the audience and the musicians.

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  13. Hope Levi continue to improve. I read your post on Don and his two songs - poignant and very funny at the same time!

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    1. I love that essay for many reasons. I wrote it during a very stressful period of my life and I was learning to use writing as a way to reduce that stress and turn the stress into humor. It also shows Don's sense of humor with the words he was finally able to say.

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  14. I listened country all the time when we lived for two years in South Carolina. I liked it but when we left there I pretty much left that genre behind too (except for Garth Brooks for awhile). You are right about they lyrics. I don't listen to music much at home either, but for me it's that I just prefer quiet. Whenever I put music on it starts to grate on me and I turn it off. I love listening to music in the car though. Currently I'm obsessed with a station that plays Christmas music 24/7. I used to avoid that station, but this year I'm loving it for some reason.

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    1. I can't stand long playing records of the same artist's songs. They grate on me after awhile. I like variety.

      We have good reason to enjoy this Christmas seasons, don't we. LOL Love Mueller time.

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