Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

The Good Things Jar - 2020



I’ve spend many New Year’s Eves reviewing my past year’s accomplishments and disappointments and making new resolutions for the coming year. Many of my old diaries contain grandiose prologues with lists of resolutions done in a way only a youthful person with a locking book and a pen could write. I was ritualistic about the process in the last century, but in this century some would say I gotten more creative about the passing of one year and the beginning of another. Others might say I’ve just gotten lazier as I age. 

For example, for a few years early in my widowhood I joined the One Word Mantra Movement instead of writing resolutions and that worked great for me. The idea is to pick a word that expresses your intention for the coming year, an inspiration to apply to your life. In 2013 as a widow approaching my first sadiversary I embraced the word ‘bravery’ as my mantra and the Cowardly Lion as my mantra’s symbol. I even found a Cowardly Lion charm to wear on a chain. (I love eBay. You can find anything there.) I wore that charm to all the places I went to solo, when I was feeling insecure and wishing I didn’t have to choose between going out alone and staying home alone. It worked because now I can go anywhere and it no longer fazes me. Well, except maybe to a biker bar in the hood, I'd still be scared if I tried that. Not that I want to, I'm just sayin' so for the sake of full disclosure.

For 2014 I used a longer mantra---“Choose Your Change”---to help me remember that I was in charge of pulling my own strings and I could transform my life into whatever I want. Then in 2015 I went with “Just Show Up” as my mantra. It was a one-size-fits-all situations manta/resolution that bounced off something Woody Allen is known for saying, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” He was talking about being successful at writing and how so many people say they want to write, but they don’t sit down and do it thus they don’t accomplish anything. He believes that if you actually show up every day to put words on paper, you’re 80% of the way towards being successful. That mind-set can be applied to any goal and in 2014 I wanted to ‘just show up’ for every that felt like progress in finding and building new friendships. I signed up for any and everything I could down at the senior hall, didn’t turned down a single invitation that came along, got involved in a few volunteer projects and I stepped up my creative writing sessions and to this day I still continue showing up every day to feed words to my computer.

Last year my inspiration for my 2019 New Year’s Resolution were some words I saw stitched on fabric: “Use all the talents God gave you for the forest would be very quiet if only the best bird sang.” Being a person who drags around a lot of guilt for wasting time and my minor league talents, those words struck a chord. So last year I cataloged my talents and vowed to appreciate and use them more. And I did. Two things that I consider I have a talent for doing are organizing and long-range planning. So I put money down on a 1,000 square foot unit at a continuum care campus that is being built and won’t be ready until early 2021 and I’m symmetrically downsizing my quart-sized life into the pint-sized life I’ll be moving into.

Now with January 1st, 2020 close at hand I’m starting a new-to-me tradition. I'm starting a The Good Things Jar which is like keeping a gratitude journal and a gratitude journal did wonders for me in the dark year following Don’s stroke when some days the only thing I had to be grateful for was the fact that the day was almost over. With The Good Things Jar you’re supposed to write a note about something good that happened in your week then put the note in the jar---notes that you’ll take out and read on the following New Year’s Eve. I’m a creature of habit. I take my trash out on Sundays. I water my indoor plants at the same time, plan my next week, do my laundry and read the Sunday paper. I’m planning to incorporate writing my ‘good things’ notes into my Sunday chores list. Sometimes I get so lost in big projects that I forget to come up for air like this past year of downsizing collectibles on e-Bay and I’m thinking the ‘jar’ will help me notice the positive things happening around me, around the world and in my heart as I let go of past to move into the future.

What are you doing on New Year’s Eve? Will you look back at last year and tally up your successes and regrets, maybe make a few Resolutions for the year to come? It’s also (almost) the beginning of a new decade and let’s face it, it will probably be my last decade on earth and I plan on making the most of it. Now not only am I resolving that in 2020 I will faithfully use my Good Things Jar but I’m also making a resolution for the whole decade to come a year from now. I’m going to: 1) choose my change, 2) just show up and 3) use my talents all rolled up into one whopper of a Resolution for the rest of my life. ©

39 comments:

  1. How funny. When I first read that you were moving in 2021--I was thinking that's years in the future. Think I need to get use to this new decade.
    Love the good things jar idea and think I too will start that today.
    Thanks.

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    1. The Good Things Jar has been around awhile, long enough that they sell them on Amazon. I'm just using a fruit jar.

      The new decade is going to get some time to get used to, isn't it.

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  2. You are an inspiration! Happy New Year and hope the year brings many good things to jot down and put in that jar.

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  3. Jean, you are an inspiration. There was a mantra on my bulletin board at work - at every moment you have the right to choose. Yes, each of us can be the change. Just showing up is often enough, then do what needs doing. I call that farm girl strong. And yes, each of us has talents. Happy New Year to you.

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    1. We DO all have talents. We just need to remind ourselves of that from time to time.

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  4. I love the idea of a Good Things Jar; it's very tangible. You can actually watch the Good Things add up right before your eyes. You can also then spend New Year's Eve with a wonderful wrap-up of all those great memories.

    I'm not a resolution maker--I like to say that I am on a Path Toward Continuous Improvement. Like Buddhists. I try to be better each day than I was the day before. And I have so many mantras, it's like there's a choir in my head.

    Happy 2020, Jean. You are a Force.

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    1. And may the force be with you as well. I love that 'saying' and I'd love to be able to say "I'm on a Path Toward Continuous Improvement" but I'm not that disciplined. LOL

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  5. Wow! You gave me something to think about: I hadn't stopped to think this would probably be my last decade! :)

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    1. It's a startling thought, isn't it. I'm hoping it inspires me to do more...

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  6. Happy New Year! Thank you for continuing to blog when you are so busy with your move! My mantra is Be Better. Keep it simple!

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    1. I'm using blogging to document my downsizing and I might even put all the related posts in a Blurb book after I move with a print run of one or two because it's sort of like documenting my life. I've already got the title: 'Living Life in Reverse: A Downsizing Journal'.

      Be Better is a great mantra.

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  7. A Biker Bar in da Hood sounds like an Adventure... winks... I actually met The Man at a dive Bar outside of the Military Base on Super Bowl Sunday... he was Active Duty Military but being the Workaholic he was, he also moonlit at the Bar as the DJ and Bouncer. So your Biker Bar in da Hood comment struck a humorous chord with me! *LOL* The Good Things Jar sounds like a Positive habit that would uplift. I didn't make any Resolutions this New Year, I suppose just getting into a house would be No. One tho'! *LOL*

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    1. I'm glad someone got and appreciated the humor in the 'biker bar' sentence. When I write my first draft is bare bones and then I go back and look for places to add a little humor. There wasn't much I could do with this topic to add laugh lines.

      My fingers are still crossed for you to get that house!

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  8. Such a good blog Jean! bl

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  9. You stopped me cold with your "only got a decade left" line. Then, I considered. My mother died at 93, and if I live as long as she did, that's still only two decades. Whoops. Why do we always feel so much younger than we actually are?

    I suppose my primary goal for the year (now that I have my own move out of the way) is to better my health. I need more aerobic exercise, even if it's only brisk walking, and I need to eat better.I can do both of those, so I started today. With any luck, I'll lose some weight as well as increasing my chances of getting those two decades. There aren't any guarantees, of course, but there's no sense tempting fate!

    One of the things I've already learned about this new, smaller apartment, is that even though there was room for all my furniture, and I have it decorated to my taste, there's no room for daily clutter. It's going to force me to keep every dirty cup off the kitchen counter, and not let that jacket or pair of jeans just lounge around where they don't belong. But I really do like the place, and you've got even more control over yours -- the painting and such. If you enjoy your move as much as I've enjoyed mine, you're going to be very happy.

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    1. I'm so glad you are enjoying the downsized living in your new place. I've made up my mind I'm going to like it too. The only part I'm not going to like is having to get dressed first thing in the morning to take the dog outside. I have to find a way to talk myself into that.

      I've got the same two resolutions about eating better and losing some weight. I stared yesterday tracking my food intake, but I might blog it so I won't keep writing here.

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  10. Just to say HNY2020! I may not always comment, but always check out your posts and am inspired by your committment, and honesty. ~ Libby

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    1. Libby! Thanks for commenting, I've wondered if you were still reading from Down Under. Hope those fires aren't effecting near where you're at.

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  11. I've seen a lot about the good things jar this year. I've thought about doing that but after not doing anything last year, I went back to the word thing -- HOME. Time to take care of my house -- my physical spaces here and north and the personal space (body, mind and soul). Of course, doing one doesn't mean the other can't be done -- so I might still keep the good things jar in mind. I love how you shared your progression through the year. I've always found resolutions lacking but goals a bit more promising. No matter what, it is looking forward in intention.

    Happy New Year, my friend. Since I don't have your contact info and don't have reply on my blog, I am neglect in saying how much I value your visits and appreciate your online friendship and all your words shared here and at the Gypsy. ALL GOOD WISHES for a very happy and productive new year. I expect to see a lot of slips in that glass on January 31, 2020!

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    1. Jeanie, your one word mantra of HOME will be an huge undertaking...you have so many beautiful things! But like my mom always said, "You'd better get started. You aren't getting any younger."

      I've always wanted to ask you why you prefer not to reply to comments on your blog. I only know two bloggers who do it that way and I've always wondered the pros and cons of that decision. I'm just curious. Back when I was blogging on a support site for stroke survivors and caregivers I made the decision that others besides the person doing the comment might be interested in reading my reply. That was a more serious forum, of course, but the die was set for me back---gosh, 16 years ago when I first started blogging and I was answering questions like: "Do caregivers do it out of love or duty" and I was replying stuff like: "Doesn't love naturally breed 'duty'? Those two things can co-exist."

      I have a big jar to fill, sitting in plain sight. It will either mock me or inspire me at time passes. LOL

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  12. " it will probably be my last decade on earth " Give me a break Jean. You and I will live a great long life. We have to look at it this way. I'm so happy to have arrived at 2020. Way back in 1977 when I was rushed to the hospital, I was afraid of dying and looked at me now, 2020. Tally up what happened in 2019 means nothing to me now. It's what is what's ahead for me in me life. I thank God of having life, friends, blogging friends and whatever. I wish you could get my blog again my friend.
    Happy New Year my good friend Jean.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. Well, I'd like to live to a 100 and have three aunts who lived that and a few extra years beyond. But I'm not planning on it. My joints and bones are weak and wearing out.

      Happy New Year, Paul. You have a great attitude about life and it serves you well.

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    2. Jean, one thing that is great is how fantastic your intelect is, you know your brain. I've never seen a better individual using your mind. I wish I had as much knowledge that you have shown. That's why I enjoy reading your blog.
      Thank you for stating the great attitude but I must state, MaryLou helps me in that department. See ya my friend.

      Cruisin Paul

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    3. Wow, flattery will get you far, Paul. LOL You're a luck man to have MaryLou to help. That's what a good wife does.

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  13. You are a courageous lady and a true inspiration! Love the Good Things Jar idea. Happy New Year!

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    1. "Courageous" is truly a word I never would have applied to myself but I'm flattered that someone else does.

      Levi my Mighty Schnauzer has a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm going to write a whole post about him. Don't miss it Molly the AireGirl.

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  14. Happy New Year, Jean! I love the idea of the good things jar. And what a fun ritual it would be to read all those scraps of paper on New Year's Eve.

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    1. Happy New Year back at you, the 'other' Jean. I think it will be a nice ritual to read the notes next year.

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  15. Happy New Year! I do love your blog. The Good Things Jar is a great idea. But I have to say how much I love the idea of the Cowardly Lion charm. A clever way to motivate yourself. Moving life forward after a big loss is daunting, and I think that's genius. (And yes, the things we can find on eBay!)

    I gave up making resolutions a while back - perhaps when I retired, but I honestly don't remember when it was. I started Jan 1 with new calendars and a new date book. So many things on the agenda this year that I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, so I have to step back and just start attacking my 'to do' list. You are a great (and entertaining) inspiration on that front. Onward!

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    1. I wish you have a blog so I could follow your moving experience. Attacking your to-do-list will probably be a full time endeavor until your new house is ready.

      The Lion Charm and my blog does motivate me to do a LOT of things I might not have done otherwise. I need blog fodder. Whatever works to move me forward.

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    2. I have considered a blog, but with my move upcoming (and a new grandbaby on the way) and my volunteer work, I know a blog would put me over the top. LOL.

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  16. I hope you have a wonderful 2020 year and decade! I love your idea of the God Things Jar.

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    1. And I like your GOD Things Jar...more powerful than my Good Things Jar.

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  17. Love your Good Things Jar, Jean. All the best for 2020 and beyond!

    Deb

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  18. Since my life is very uneventful, I will write a monthly Good Things note and use an old canning jar. Thanks for the idea I needed one trying to live through this difficult time with that mango menace in the wh.

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    1. I am using an old canning jar, too. These are difficult times and you are right, difficult times makes it all the more important to be on the look-out for the good things that happen, even if that good thing is just getting a good night's sleep.

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