Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

In January of 2012 my soul mate of 42 years passed away after nearly 12 years of living with severe disabilities due to a stroke. I survived the first year after Don’s death doing what most widows do---trying to make sense of my world turned upside down. The pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties are well documented in this blog.

Now that I’m a "seasoned widow" the focus of my writing has changed. I’m still a widow looking through that lens but I’m also a woman searching for contentment, friends and a voice in my restless world. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. I say I just write about whatever passes through my days---the good, bad and the ugly. Comments welcome and encouraged. Let's get a dialogue going! Jean

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Back from the Dark Side

After weeks of dragging myself from one pity party to the next I've finally got my groove back. Accomplishing stuff does that to your mood and outlook…at least it works that way with me. And what have I done to lighten my mood? Finishing up the Great Money Disposal Project I wrote about in my last blog was one thing and having the-son-I-wish-I-had come to fulfill his end of our barter trade was another. That barter meant I now have freshly painted door trims outside and a promise to finish the project up next week.

As a bonus to the painting project we got into some long conversations like back in the good old days when we were neighbors and we hung out as couples…his wife is a sweetheart and Tim truly did look at my husband as a father figure. He told me there wasn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t think of Don and all things Don taught him. When Tim left I said, “It's always great to be around someone who remembers Don. It’s fun to talk about him once in a while.” That's hard to do that with people who never met your spouse without them assuming you're still a grieving widow, lost in the past. And insider jokes about a departed spouses just don’t compute with newly acquired friends.

While the-son-I-wish-I-had was here I was lamenting about how conflicted I felt about having to send my favorite antique metal patio chair, footstool and side table off to the auction house. It needs spray painting every four-five years and I won’t be able to do that where I’m moving. So I planned on buying a cheap set that I can throw out when it starts looking bad. Tim is good friends with a guy who owns an auto body shop and he suggested I send my antique stuff to him to get it sandblasted and painted with auto paint which should last as long as I do. And it really won’t cost much more than buying a cheap set. I can’t tell you how happy that idea makes me. I just have to wait until I can see the outside treatment of the building before I decide what color I want my new/old patio furniture to be.

New Topic: My favorite people watching place to eat and write---the Guy Land Cafeteria----opened up this week. It had a kitchen fire just before the pandemic started last March so it couldn’t operator, even for curbside until the place was rebuilt. I heard flames were shooting through the roof, extensively damaging the place and for three months afterward, when our state was in total lock down, they weren’t allowed to do anything more than to secure it against the weather.

I love that place. It makes me understand why so many serious writers are fond of writing in coffee shops. As I sat there yesterday a guy in his mid-thirties caught my eye. He had a mask that was made of red, white and blue fabric that he’d push up high on his forehead, his sunglasses perched even higher up. I’ve never seen a mask worn that way and he got extra credit for creativity. It made him look a bad-ass biker and he was texting back and forth with someone who put a wide grin on his handsome face. He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring so I ruled out that he was texting a little princess or pirate at home with a wife. And like I imagine one of my favorite romance authors would do, I made him the central character in boy-meets-girl scene and he was making the lady parts on a girl across the aisle take notice.

When he stood up to leave---holy cow!---he grabbed a leather jacket off the bench seat on the other side of the table, making it clear he really was a biker. My heart be still, he was even wearing leather chaps over skin-tight jeans and you’d have to be a dead-Dora not to be impressed by his smoking hotness. In my imagination the woman sitting across the aisle was young but in reality she was my age and she, too, was enjoying the eye candy. As he pulled his mask down in place (a state rule for walking around inside a restaurant) the woman smiled up at him saying, “It’s a good day for a ride” and he replied, “Every day is a good day for a ride.”

In a novel you’d be prompted to read a double innuendo into the word ‘ride’ but in real-time the older woman kept right on talking and before the guy left she’d gotten him to show her a picture on his phone of his bike. The old hussy must have been a good flirt back in her day. In my wanna-be writer’s mind he would have then offered her a ride on the back of his Harley Davidson and she’d impulsively take him up on it the offer, pushing to the back of her mind that he could be a serial killer instead of panty-melting bad-boy. And I, as an observer in my fictionalized version thinking the same thing, would have snapped a photo of the couple in case she turned up dead. You can never tell if the writer sitting in public places is writing a romance, a murder mystery, a thriller or is just a bored blogger with a word count to fill. ©


34 comments:

  1. Holy crap. For some reason, I want to don my purposely holey jeans & tough looking black leather jacket & ride with the wind. Knowing you took my picture, I feel confident I'll come back eventually to see what I had in my hot little arms as I hung onto that hunk above!! Wow. I need a cold shower.

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    1. You are too funny! Thanks for 'playing' along with my fantasy.

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  2. I have a friend who had her metal patio set powder-coated two years ago, and it still looks as good as the day she had it done. Auto paint should do just as well. After all, the paints they use today are pretty darned fancy, and stand up to a whole lot of outdoor conditions. The trick is the sand blasting, or whatever they do to prime the metal. I'd sure keep it if it were me; it will be interesting to see what color it ends up being.

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    1. Tim has the auto shop do some antique patio chairs for him and they turned out great and the same guy did a couple of antique gas pumps for my husband years ago. I'm excited because the chair I'm now keeping is unique, never seen another like it in all these years. I will probably go with a boring color like black or gray and just add an outdoor rug and pillows for color that I can swap out whenever I want. Or at the most, a sage green.

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  3. What a great idea for you patio furniture! We had a wall heater cover powder coated decades ago and it turned out great. I'm sure auto paint will do the same. Glad your mood has turned around and loved the biker fantasy story.

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    1. I love that cafeteria for inspiring stories in my head and back before the pandemic an occasional conversations with strangers.

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  4. I haven't been in any restaurant or coffee shop since this pandemic began. I'm living vicariously through you and your chance encounter with hotness. My goodness, I'm getting the vapors just reading these words.

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    1. Thanks for confirming that while we women might be married, older and/or totally happy with our lives we can still enjoy eye candy and a good boy-meet-girl story.

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  5. Glad your almost son will save your furniture. He really is a catch and I didn't realize you had a long term relationship that included Don.
    As for hot biker, I do that too when I see folks for any length of time while people watching. If he looked anything like that picture--mercy.

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    1. I've always wondered if other people people watch and make up back stories for interesting looking people like I do.

      The biker I saw was actually hotter than the photo of the biker up above. I think it was those leather chaps. LOL

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  6. I do sometimes notice a nice looking man - last week I had a colonoscopy and the doctor was cute as a button but I know I won't be "riding" off with anyone. :)
    How about aqua for your furniture? I love that retro color!
    Thanks for the smiles today.

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    1. I'd rather have a doctor that looks like a toad, than a cute one. LOL

      Actually, if I go for color rather than a neutral aqua would be my first choice because that's the color accent I'm using inside. I had even thought about using it inside because it's so darn comfortable.

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  7. "Dead Dora" made me laugh out loud! Thank you for that! :-)

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  8. Your Bored Blogger story line of the Stud Muffin must rival those scandalous Romance Novels! *Winks* It is good to talk with anyone who remembers our past History and those who are no longer with us. I no longer have many who remember the times and the people who we can recount insider jokes with, I do miss that. That is a splendid idea about using Auto Body Paint for outside Furniture. I once saw a Vintage Pink Fridge painted with Auto Body Paint and it was killer... do tell us what hue you ended up going with once you get it done.

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    1. I love the restored vintage kitchen appliances from the '20 through the '50s. A pink and gray kitchen would be right up my alley.

      Once I get everything pulled together I'll turn into you, posting photos right and left. LOL

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  9. Well, it certainly does sound like you're out of the dumps.

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    1. I never stay down for long. Not saying I'm back 100% but I'm as close as I can get, given the times we're living in.

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  10. Love your musings about the hot biker dude. Last week I saw my dermatologist for the first time since the pandemic began. I was supposed to see him in April, but canceled. When he was gently holding my arm as he was examining it, I wanted to say "That's the most action I've gotten in two years," but thought better of it. Haha

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    1. You cracked me up. I worry that someday the filter in my brain will quit working and I'll blurt stuff like that out though I'll bet the doctor would crack up too, if you had said it.

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    2. My mother was in the rehab/nursing home for a while after she experienced a fall at home. I was there one day to take her to a doctor's appointment and the aide was helping her get ready. My mother was having trouble getting her pants up and she said "Now you know what kind of girl I am." Then, when the aide complimented her on her pretty sweater she said "You never know when the doctor might be a stud." I almost fell through the floor.

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  11. You certainly sound like someone not in the dumps or at the dump aka tip you know what I mean............lol

    Life is good when yourheart beats, you feel loved and appreciated by those around you along with happiness in your heart and life

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    1. It's hard to feel loved when you don't see or talk to anyone in weeks or months. I'm happy to live vicarious off someone else's happiness i.e. in books or while people watching.

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  12. Yes, finally managing to get a few things done was the kick in the butt I needed to get out of my slump and greatly improve my mood! You got to get some eye candy to boot!

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    1. I love eye candy and I'm lucky I can pretend it because I'm an artist and writer at heart. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. LOL

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  13. Loved your observations at the Guy-Land cafeteria. The name is quite apt, is it not? I wish I still had an eye for eye candy. Last year, when I was still working, I walked a new Field Manager through the lab, giving him a tour. Afterwards more than one of my staff came up to me to ask who the hot dude was. I had to think for a minute, to realize “oh yeah, he was kinda cute, I guess”. I know, I’m defective now...🤣

    Deb

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    1. You know I made up the Guy-Land Cafeteria name, don't you? I named it that because from 5AM to 7AM they get a lot of night workers---truckers, deliver people, police, people like my husband and I would plowed snow all night. Then from 7AM to 10AM the place fills up with old retired men who meet daily or weekly and don't talk much. Then for the lunch hours its a lot of working class guys on their breaks. I like to go around two when you never know who will show up.

      That funny about taking a hottie on a tour and not even noticing.

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    2. Hah! I did not know that you made up the name, but I should have guessed. I really am off my game 🤣🤣🤣

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  14. I remember when doctors were younger than I was. Now they are younger than my kids and a couple grandkids!

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    1. I got a new dentist this year and she barely looks old enough to have graduated from high school! Had to get used to, isn't it.

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  15. First of all, that auto paint idea is brilliant and I wonder why new companies doing that sort of thing don't use that stuff. And I loved your "story" and the inspiration. I often wear my glasses on my head; never thought of wearing my mask that way, too! I love how you think!

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    1. Apparently, it's not all that uncommon, at least at that auto body shop.

      The one and only time I've ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle I got sent to bed without my dinner. I was fifteen. I've had a lot of years of fantasying about them and the guys who ride them. LOL

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  16. GREAT idea to get patio furniture professionally dealt with! Awesome. I vote teal because I love that color this year.

    And I need a cold shower as well. Oh my goodness! I have not been inside anywhere until today ... can't wait for restaurant days!!

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    1. I get tired of certain colors quickly and teal is one of those. I'll be using some teal inside but in pillows and throw and stuff that's easily and cheaply replaced.

      Going to restaurants is a bit creepy to me. The employees are wearing masks and customers to and from their tables but with so many people sitting at tables without masks it doesn't feel safe.

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