Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

In January of 2012 my soul mate of 42 years passed away after nearly 12 years of living with severe disabilities due to a stroke. I survived the first year after Don’s death doing what most widows do---trying to make sense of my world turned upside down. The pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties are well documented in this blog.

Now that I’m a "seasoned widow" the focus of my writing has changed. I’m still a widow looking through that lens but I’m also a woman searching for contentment, friends and a voice in my restless world. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. I say I just write about whatever passes through my days---the good, bad and the ugly. Comments welcome and encouraged. Let's get a dialogue going! Jean

Monday, May 4, 2015

The Guy Land Cafeteria



After dropping Levi the Mighty Schnauzer off at the Doggie Foo-Foo Beauty Spa where haircuts cost a dollar short of a fifty dollar bill I had time to kill before my appointment at Bargain Cuts for Humans. Oh, boy, you know what that means! Yup, the Guy Land Cafeteria is located in between the two places and I hadn’t had my breakfast yet. 

Did you know you have to have a strategy for picking out a seat in the Guy Land Cafeteria? (So named for all the elderly men who fill up the place in the mornings.) A woman can’t pick a table too close to “guy tables” or she’ll look like a hussy. So I claimed one in the center of the place with lots of empty tables surrounding me. Hey, what better way to test your sex appeal with the geriatric set than to see if an old dude will come long and pick a table next to you, forgoing the prime real estate along the windows that take up three walls of the place?  As I spread orange marmalade on my sour dough toast---did I mention this café is a no dieting zone---a guy with a pot belly eyed me over the top of the sports page and a retreaded stud-muffin ignored me while reading a paperback. Clearly, neither one was impressed with my feminine wiles. 

Soon a woman and her teenaged son came into the place and took the table across the aisle from me. I wasn’t going to get any action from them unless she was a lesbian and he was into aging cougars. Not to worry. They took out their cell phones and off they went into their own little worlds---one to Facebook and the other to Candy Crusher. What is it about Candy Crusher that's so mesmerizing? I swear it must send out secret cult messages. Half the world seems to be hooked on it while the other half, like me, is afraid to go there and find out first hand.

I had forgotten to pick up a straw when I went through the cafeteria line so I went back up to the end of the line where I waited as a man was getting his silverware and napkins. 

“What do you need, darlin’?” he said. 
“Just a straw.” I replied.
 “One or two?

One or two? Okay, it’s been a long time since I’ve decoded guy talk. Was this his way of finding out if I was alone or with someone else? And just as I got puffed up pleased with myself, thinking this old guy was flirting with me I remembered that some people actually need two straws---one for pop and one for water. Dejected, I sat down and eventually I watched as a 50ish year old guy with a lot of hair and a cool swagger came in . Did I mention hair is in short supply at the Guy Land Cafeteria? He took his time making his way to the back of the restaurant stopping at tables here and there to talk to dinners and I thought, oh boy---yes, again. It was an ‘oh boy’ kind of day---Oh boy, someone wearing pants is going to stop at my table and start up a conversation! Image my surprise when he turned out to be the manager on his way back to his office. 

By then it was getting closer to noon when the elderly set all seemed to leave in unison to be replaced by the Village People, working class guys in uniforms. Policeman, firemen, construction workers, a couple of biker dudes. The only thing missing was the cowboy and the Indian chief. Sadly, all my food was long gone by then and I wasn’t about to go back up for pie. Though I must confess I thought about it. I was in the mood to goggle men in the prime of their lives. No more breakfast at the Guy Land Cafeteria for me, I decided as I walked out the door. I’m switching to lunch.
 
After my haircut and a little shopping, I picking Levi back up. He looked better than me. I still have hair hanging in my eyes. Darn hair dresser is still growing out my bangs. I kind of like them though. It feels like I can hide behind my hair and that came in handy with today's adventures in people watching. On the way home I had to I stopped at Starbucks where, on haircut days, Levi expects to be treated to a pup-uccino at the drive-thou window while I get one of their half price happy hour delights. But, darn it, my favorite barista was missing from action. He can always be counted on to flirt with little old ladies. Translation: He’s just a super friendly college kid who likes people and is not afraid to treat woman of all ages exactly the same…just like my husband used to do. <Big sigh.> ©

12 comments:

  1. I'd go to lunch instead too. Old men have always liked me and I am always kind. Now that I'm almost 64 I'm sure that will change as time goes by. I'm way too old for many of them now. Good thing I'm not interested. I do like looking at handsome, physically fit men. Always have and always will. When I say he looks good coming or going you know I've found a really hot one.

    Have a fabulous day. Scritches to Levi. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I enjoy looking at men, too. I didn't sit in all those life drawing classes years ago for nothing. The human body is interesting, no matter what form it takes over the years. But I'll admit that "young" is better esthetically. LOL

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. I did have a good time. I like mine and Levi's hair dressers and the cafeteria always reminds me of Don. We used to go there a lot when we were taking a quick break from working on apartments or plowing late into the morning.

      Delete
  3. I enjoy looking at women. He,he,he. But the most important woman in my life is my beautiful wife Mary Lou who has put up with me for over 40 years. What a lucky guy I am.
    Have a wonderful day. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My husband was the same way, Paul. It never bothered me because I enjoy looking the guys. When you're secure in your relationship a little "window shopping" never hurt anyone.

      Delete
  4. I'm glad that you enjoyed the joke about the grandfather clock. LOL I laughed as soon as I saw it because I'm a grandfather myself. Ha,ha,ha. Have a great time Jean. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul is talking about a cartoon he posted on his blog for those who are wondering what we're talking about.

      Delete
  5. This was so funny. H says that old men flirt with me in the grocery store, but he's wrong. Sometimes they just need help finding the peanut butter. I'm a people watcher, too. They never fail to entertain. I want you to go back when the village people are there and tell us about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will do that one day soon. It's a great people watching place.

      I think people have different definitions for flirting than I do and perhaps you too. People who are friendly by nature are often mistaken for flirts when they just like to interact with people and aren't afraid to talk to strangers.

      Delete
  6. My bestie and I meet for breakfast once a week at a downtown restaurant where there is a table at the front of about 8 retired guys who are there every time, so we always have to walk past them to get to "our" table in the quiet back part of the place. They watch us walk by but rarely speak -- it's a bit like being on display -- like the proverbial walking past a construction site back in the day. But I wouldn't give any one of them a glance. Their conversation is usually focused on grousing about "those damn Democrats". Deal breaker for me. LOL But one day a guy we'd never seen before (not with the group) stopped at our table TWICE to strike up a conversation. Nice head of gray hair, big friendly smile, very confident in his charms. I enjoyed the brief interaction at his first foray, but got annoyed when he interrupted us again. Oh well....looking may be better than actually interacting. Ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe these breakfast places might be the bars of my youth when it comes to pick up places...at least the guy with a full head of gray hair thought so in your case. LOL Your deal breaker would be my deal breaker, too.

      Delete