Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Leisurely Mornings and Afternoon Car Shows


My Saturday mornings are all the same. That’s not to say it’s a bad or good thing. It’s just a fact of life here in the land of never-ending widowhood and living with a dog who likes to sleep in. Thank goodness for the latter because it makes my life easier. Most days Levi doesn’t get up and start making demands until after ten. That comes from him being a puppy when my husband was living in a wheelchair and Don’s morning needs always came first. In the summer months I get up around seven---not by choice. It seems like there’s always a service person who wants to come at nine and I have to be dressed and my body gets used to popping out of bed with the sun. Except on Saturdays when no one is coming to do or fix or treat anything and I can drink coffee and play on the computer in my jammies. My new posts are always scheduled to appear at 12:30 AM on Wednesday and Saturdays and I shamelessly admit that on Saturday mornings I hang around my keyboard working on a future post and hoping someone will leave a comment on my latest one. Yes, I’m starved for human interaction even if it comes by way of Wifi.

In fact sometimes I think I prefer communicating through a keyboard more than in person. Sometimes the words that come out of my mouth when I’m face-to-face with someone scare me. Like the other day when I went to a car show and picnic that was held in the older section of the CCC where I’ll be moving, once the new section is built. I was sitting at a table for ‘future residents’ and we were all getting to know each other when the subject of dogs came up. Someone asked how old Levi is and I replied, “Sixteen.” He’s not sixteen, he’s eleven but by the time I realized what I said it was too late to correct myself without creating an awkward tick in the conversation because someone else had already remarked, “At that age, he could be gone by the time our units are built” and several others agreed. I catch myself making mistakes like that in face-to-face conversations but when I write my brain and fingertips are more in sync plus I can proof read to my heart’s content. It rattles me when something comes out of mouth from the land of oh-crap-that’s-not-right! 

Okay, here’s a run-down on some of my future neighbors. The couple who will be right next door are a few years younger than me. Really nice and they have raised several puppies for Paws for a Cause. They love dogs but don’t currently have one. A widow who will live upstairs on the third floor used to be a psychologist and was complaining about how tight doctors have become about dispensing pain pills. Say what? I would think that would be a good given the addiction problems we have in this country. She needed something or another but couldn't find a doctor to give it to her. Another widow who I liked right out of the gate worked as a secretary in our local mental hospital. She, too, had been a long-term caregiver to her husband before he died.

And here’s the real shocker! What are the odds that in a small group of twenty people three of us would have had extensive experience working in the floral industry? When I heard that I said, “We probably shouldn’t spread that around or they’ll have us making arrangements for all the holiday tables.” One of the guys who owned a floral shop in a different neighborhood from the one where I worked for ten years replied, “I would welcome that. Admit it, Jean, wouldn’t it be fun for the three of us to work together?” And it would. When I filled out my application to buy into this place, I didn’t check the box that I’d be interested in volunteering because I didn’t want it documented but I am keeping an open mind about it. They have an event coming up this fall where they’ll talk about all the volunteer opportunities that will be available. Since this place is non-profit I suspect there will be many. It's probably part of their keep-your-body-and-mind healthy program, commune style. The only job I've heard mention is gardening. They are planning a large, raise kitchen garden for the chef to use.

Back to the present instead of daydreaming about my future, here I sit. Its still Saturday only it's almost eleven now and I just finished making my protein breakfast smoothie. The blender is Levi’s alarm clock. He always comes out to the kitchen to get whatever fruit I’m putting in my smoothie. Today it was watermelon. He loves watermelon and it’s easier than say blueberries. He has so few teeth left that he can’t chew anything round. I feel like a mama bird in the mornings when I have to chew his fruit a bit before I give it to him. Berries of any kind---it all goes in my mouth before his. It’s a good thing he’s not a germaphobic like I tend to be. ©


NOTE: The photo at the top is of three antique cars that was at the show. They didn't have many cars like at the car shows of my past but they had a firetruck with six hunky guys standing around eating hot dogs. The fire department isn't even two blocks away from the CCC and I'm guessing they're invited over whenever they have outdoor cookouts. Why are fight-fighters all so cute? Eye candy in yellow pants and red suspenders.

28 comments:

  1. I love this post! Especially about saying things that aren't quite right. I recently told someone that's why I blog --- I can read what I write and correct it. You're a woman after my own heart. :D

    Thank you so much for sharing your adventures with us.

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    1. I really do love that aspect of blogging. It's like keeping an open diary.

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  2. I love the get together before moving in. They sure seem to be doing all the right things for new residents. Might be fun having group activities bites right get on campus, at least in the bad weather!! I got to be dog Gramma and I just left be that 10pm walk. More of a sniff fest but the job eventually gets done. And the City provides depositories!

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    1. It's really going to be interesting, all of us moving into a 70 unit complex at the same time. I think there will be a enough activities on the campus that I won't be leaving a lot.

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  3. The more I read about the place you are moving into, the more I like it! It sounds like you may have to block off time in your calendar just to be alone long enough to blog, in the future. Thanks for reminding me about the smoothie - I need to go make one now...hehehe!

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    1. They have a stellar reputation. This is only one of three of their campuses. I'm hoping to keep the same schedule I'm on now but who knows. There are so many good walking paths there that at least in the summer I plan to be outside more. There is going to be free wi-fi all over the campus so I can take a table with me and write while watching the herons on the lake.

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  4. Good Morning Jean. Your future neighbor is correct. It is inhumane how I am being treated. an advil will not ease my pain. when I say I dont wish to continue living this way it isnt a saying. my eye ashes have fallen out from pain. I am in debilitating pain. No one will help. so you give me an opioid, wouldn't that be better than assisted death or suicide?

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    1. I've never heard of eye ashes falling out from pain until I read your blog. I've been experiencing some sharp pains in my arm that could melt my teeth but at least I know the cause. It's got to be so frustrating not to know yours.

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  5. I understand how you like to communicate via keyboard rather than face-to-face. I'm getting more that way as I get older. Being around the wacko energy of some people makes me nuttier than normal. And what's up with the former psychologist who wants more pain meds prescribed? Now that's some wacko energy.

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    1. Back pain and she's been doctor shopping. I had a relative who doctor shopped because she was hooked on prescription drugs so I'm always a little skeptical of people who do that.

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  6. Your posts always give me food for thought and a chuckle! Next time someone asks how old Levi is just pretend you never said he was 16 LOL. Or say you were thinking of a different dog. Verbal slip ups are part of life and I think they occur more when we do a lot of our communicating in writing as we get out of practice for talking.

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    1. I actually was thinking of the dog I had before Levi who was 16 when he died.

      I hope your theory is right about why verbal slips happen. Sounds logical and therefore curable. I go days and days now without any human contact but once I move I plan to eat one of my meals every day at the community table in the cafe.

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  7. Amherstburg has a car show every year and people keep telling me to put my Camero in it. I feel like I'm showing off because I have a good looking car. Maybe next year. See ya Jean.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. People enjoy seeing cars like your Camero. You should be proud of it, you put a lot of effort into keeping it nice. At least go to the car show next time and the respect people give car owners who get to stand around and listen to people tell you how your car reminds them of an event in their own lives.

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  8. It’s a bit of a shame that it is such a long wait to move in. It seems like a community to be a part of now. I know you have a lot to do before you get there but I also hope the enthusiasm stays. (Having such a long wind-up potentially exposes the warts and everything else but I suppose that is a good thing).

    Regards,
    Leze

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    1. The long wind-up is definitely a two-edged sword. One woman was really mad when they changed the move-in date back a couple of months. And another man was glad. His wife does not want to move and he thinks the long wind-up will give her time to get used to the idea. He said he is older than her by quite a bit and he wants her "settled" before he dies so she's got friends and staff around her to help her. Really sweet and I get his logic.

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  9. This place is really doing things right, holding these get-togethers so you all can develop a sense of community before you become neighbors. That's really forward-thinking.

    It sounds like you're starting to find at least one group to do things with. And working on a few floral arrangements here and there might be fun and get you involved with your larger community, too.

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    1. In a couple of weeks I'm going to a fashion show at the CCC that includes champagne and a "light snack". That should be interesting. I haven't bought a new outfit in three (?) years.

      I plan to be active in this community. I'm tired of living an isolated life so I will try it all in the beginning and find a rhythm to life that works for me.

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  10. Just think when Levi is really 16, they will all be amazed how good he looks for being 21. That would be if they remember and most likely they won't:)
    It sounds like you have some really cool neighbors. Think you have picked a good spot to squat.

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    1. LOL Even if it turns out not to be a "good spot to squat" the place will provide lots of fodder for blogging.

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  11. "I’m starved for human interaction even if it comes by way of Wifi." did really resonate with me! I don't get out much except to go to my part time job at the Antique Mall and so the Social Scene is really missed being out here in the boondocks in a Community that is not necessarily very tight knit or sociable. The Land of Blog is a Community that is so rich in socialization that if it were a place, I'd move to it in a heartbeat! *Smiles*

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    1. Me too...and on some level we have moved in the Blog Community. We tell our secrets here, share our joys and heartaches differently here than with people we see in our normal routines.

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  12. It made me smile to think you and your new floral crew could work together to beautify CCC events! How cool is that? And you were wise not to publicize your volunteer willingness -- better to see what's available to plug into rather than being bugged to take on every new idea. You can plug in or create your own "thing" at your own pace.

    I love online community too. I get defensive when some of my friends denigrate the friendship and sharing online as being somehow less authentic or "real". What I think is that they are not writers, who always feel we express ourselves more fully and accurately in writing. I'm told I'm "articulate" in person too, able to make sentences that make sense, I guess. But like you, not everything that comes out of my mouth is just right. I'd love to step back and edit, which I occasionally do by saying, "wait, let me try that again..." but writing and interacting online is fun for me and it is an authentic part of me. I'd be lonely without my daily check in with friends on social media.

    Firefighters are apparently required to be better than average looking. :)

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    1. I've always been more fluid writing than talking and my husband was just the opposite, so we made a good team. I need to learn how to say the "wait, let me try that again" line.

      Blogging is an authentic part of me, maybe the most authentic part.

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  13. I found you through Bob's blog roll at Satisfying Retirement, and after reading a bit of your back stories and older posts, I realized I live your 'neck of the woods'. I'm really enjoying your posts about downsizing and your decision process on the move. We recently decided to sell our house and land and buy a new condo. The angst is real, but we're moving forward. We'll probably be selling in the spring, so here's hoping the weather cooperates and the market stays strong. Cheers!

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    1. Welcome! It's a small world, isn't it.

      "Angst" is a good word for downsizing along with the ups and downs and just plain getting tired of decisions. My next post coming Wednesday is all about those ups and downs.

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  14. I also like the ability writing gives me to proofread and edit before I hit "Publish". Before my stroke I was more verbose, but it was also easier to type with 2 hands. I'm coming along, though, at first after the stroke I wouldn't even comment on people's blogs, but now (nearly 7 years later) I'm commenting on several blogs. I still have to get over that feeling that everybody else is more capable/has important things to say, but not me. I'm working on it!

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    1. Thanks for sharing that. You probably already know that my husband couldn't talk or write after his stroke and any time someone who has also had a stroke gives me a glimpse into what that's like it's very much appreciated. Accomplishing typing one-handed is HUGE.

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